At 36 weeks pregnant and with ankles that wouldn’t look amiss on John Merrick, I’ve finally admitted that I’m not getting into any Westwood heels for the Christmas parties this year. In fact, there likely won’t be many Christmas parties for me at all. In a shoe shop earlier this week I found myself making a detailed comparison between the latest offerings from CAT and Timberland (CAT got big points for their fur lined biker boot reminding me of the old warehouse party Tank Girl days, Timberland scored with their knee high featuring corsetry lacing up the back).

As if buying all-terrain footwear wasn’t shocking enough, I bought the least attractive (by a long chalk) of two baby cradles I’ve been considering, and it was an oddly easy decision.

While I ached to have this gorgeous bit of Danish design from Leander in my house (no matter what its purpose), I’ve ended up going for this from Amby:

Why? Because all the research appears to suggest that the ugly duckling version is the better product. At least that’s the opinion I came to. Not a minute too soon I seem to have developed a mum gene. Hopefully a mum in funkster heels once I’ve got my ankles back. Which reminds me – why are most prams and buggies built for teeny, tiny people? More on that another time.

I’m gonna hold my hands up and admit that not every light bulb I own is energy efficient. In fact some of them are probably downright wasteful but that’s cos they’re either pretty or they’re fit for purpose, being compatible with dimmer switches where energy efficient lights are not. But back to pretty, or at least decorative. So far the choice of green bulbs has been limited to three styles: dull, uninspiring and plain wrong.

But now they’ve been ‘Hulgerised’.

Only prototypes for the moment, Hulger are looking for a manufacturer to help bring some joy to the green light bulb lover with what they’re calling the Plumen Project. While I suspect we’d be more likely to see these sold somewhere the likes of Habitat it would be great to think somewhere more high street like Tesco or Woolworths could get behind them.

From our friends in Japan comes Donya - a denim skirt for people who want to have a more furtive relationship with their mouse. Really, I just made that up. I have no idea what the marketing blurb says, but there’s no need, I think you get the idea. Besides, no words I can think of would make this product in any way anything other than wrong, wrong, wrong.

Buy or browse for more oddities here

Spotted in Vauxhall, a place I have mixed emotions about having spent six years working at D&AD who are based there. Loved the work, couldn’t say goodbye to the location fast enough. This block of flats always seemed to sum it up for me, but on a recent trip I was amused to see that the local takeaway has added a new edge to the name of the building. While amusing, it only highlighted my urgency to get on the next bus out. Sorry Vauxhall, but six years was enough. It needs to get a whole lot tastier before I could be wooed back.

For the longest time the spam emails I’ve been getting have had all the imagination of a mosquito. Just now though I got one from Methuselah in Burkina Faso which made me smile so I’m sharing it.

Why do I like it? Well, it’s been a while since someone tried to sell me something other than an extension to private parts I am not in possession of. And the lure of gold is a temptation as ancient as the gods.

Which reminds me, Methuselah was the oldest man in the Bible you know. 969 years old apparently when he died. Guess he’s always been a fibber.

Some girls are fools for love, some crumple at the sight of a branch of Hotel Chocolat. I can’t resist a well-turned heel. Seven months pregnant or not, these saucy offerings from Nicholas Kirkwood are pure Puss ‘n Bootieliciousness and high up on the Christmas wish list. Santa can find them here.